Finding Pride in Barbados: Patrick's Journey Through Sexuality, Gender, and Dementia
Coming Out Stories
Wednesday, 16 July 2025 - 34 minutes
When Patrick Kitana Ettenes bluntly told his father "I suck dick, daddy" at 15 years old, it marked just one turning point in a life brimming with extraordinary challenges and triumphs. Born in Barbados in 1983 to a Dutch father and Trinidadian mother, Patrick's childhood was a paradox of privilege and pain—his father's high-profile security work with prime ministers and diplomats couldn't shield him from relentless bullying due to his feminine expression.
Patrick's shocking classroom experiences included teacher-orchestrated "games" where students chased and attacked him, leaving him with bruises and scratches his mother eventually noticed. Despite this trauma, he emerged with an indomitable spirit, eventually leaving Barbados for Cuba on a psychology scholarship at just 15, before settling in Manchester, UK, where he finally found community and acceptance.
But life in England wasn't the paradise he hoped for. Patrick survived an abusive relationship that left him homeless, battled substance abuse, contracted HIV, and was diagnosed with early onset dementia in his early thirties. Yet rather than succumbing to these challenges, he transformed them into fuel for activism. Finding no support groups for LGBTQ+ people with dementia, he created them himself, launching the "Bring Dementia Out" initiative with the Alzheimer's Society.
Patrick's identity journey is equally compelling—identifying as non-binary and sometimes presenting as female at conferences, he embraces both sides of himself while rejecting the pressure to undergo gender confirmation surgery after learning it might affect his sexual pleasure. His perspective on dementia is particularly remarkable, describing how as his brain degenerates, his empathy and intuition have heightened, giving him what he calls a "superpower" to help others.
Have you encountered someone whose resilience fundamentally changed how you view adversity? this extraordinary conversation that will challenge your perspectives on sexuality, gender, disability and the transformative power of turning personal trauma into community advocacy.
Read more about Patrick's work and diagnosis here
Presented by Emma Goswell
Produced by Sam Walker
We'd love to hear YOUR story. Please get in touch www.comingoutstoriespodcast.com or find us on twitter @ComeOutStories and on Instagram @ComingOutStoriesPod
We have a book! Coming Out Stories is available at all major shops now!
JKP.com | Queerlit | Waterstones | Amazon
Coming Out Stories is a What Goes On Media Production
